little big hands.

I’m haunted by this belief that I don’t have what it takes to make it in this world. Whether it’s that I don’t have enough wisdom to make big life decisions or that I won’t be able to accomplish goals that I’ve set for myself. Sometimes it’s the daily tasks, that maybe my body doesn’t have enough strength to get through a work day or fun outings with friends.

Whenever I’m overwhelmed, I call my little Cuban abuela just to hear from someone who has made it through many seasons of life, someone who gracefully bears the scars life has given her.

I don’t know why, but I never tell her that I’m calling because I’m afraid or overwhelmed. Despite this, she always somehow manages to speak into the terror I’m so desperately trying to hide and manage.

Yesterday, as we spoke about what I had for lunch(Cuban grandmas always wanna know if you’ve eaten and what you’ve eaten), she paused for a moment. And, as if she had been a part of all my conversations with God lately, she said, “Que pequeña eres. Pero en la mano de Diós, eres un gigante.”

For my non-Spanish speaking friends, this literally means, “How small you are. But, in the hand of God, you are a giant.”

This is a simple and obvious truth, but in a moment when I really needed to hear this, it was like being given cold water after weeks in a dry wilderness. I’m so thankful for this woman. I would not be who I am without her. Te quiero, Mimi.